Banned From Argo --- Leslie Fish ©1977
ttto: "Boston Burglar"
When [Am]we pulled
into [G]Argo Port in [D]need
of R&[E]R,
The [G]crew set out investigating [D]every
joint and [E]bar.
We [Am]had high expec-[D]tations
of their [G]hospitali-[E]ty,
But [Am]found too [G]late
it [F]wasn't [E]geared
for [Am]spacers [G]such
as [Am]we.
The [Am]Captain's
tastes were [G]simple, but his [D]methods
were com-[E]plex.
We [G]found him with five partners, each
of a [D]different world and [E]sex.
The [Am]Shore Police were [D]on
the way-we [G]had no second [E]chance.
We [Am]beamed him [G]up
in the [F]nick of [E]time-and
the [Am]remnants [G]of
his [Am]pants.
Our [Am]Engineer
would [G]yield to none at [D]putting
down the [E]brew;
He [G]out-drank seven space marines and a
[D]demolition [E]crew.
The [Am]Navigator [D]didn't
win, but he [G]out-drank almost [E]all,
And [Am]now they've [G]got
a [F]shuttle [E]craft
on the [Am]roof of [G]City
[Am]Hall.
[chorus]
Our [Am]proper, cool
First [G]Officer was [D]drugged
with something [E]green,
And [G]hauled into an [D]alley,
where he suffered things ob-[E]scene.
He [Am]sobered up in [D]sickbay
and he's [G]none the worse for [E]wear,
Ex- [Am]cept he's [G]somehow
[F]taught the [E]bridge
com-[Am]puter [G]how
to [Am]swear.
The [Am]Head Nurse
disap-[G]peared awhile in the [D]major
Dope Ba-[E]zaar,
[G]Buying an odd green [D]potion
"guaranteed to cause Pon-[E]Farr."
She [Am]came home with no [D]uniform
and an [G]oddly cheerful [E]heart,
And a [Am]painful [G]way
of [F]walking --- [E]with
her [Am]feet a [G]yard
a-[Am]part.
Our [Am]lady of Com-
[G]munications [D]won
a ship-wide [E]bet
By [G]getting into the [D]planet's
main communications [E]net.
Now [Am]every time some-[D]one
calls up on an [G]Argo tele-[E]screen,
The [Am]flesh is [G]there,
but the [F]clothes they [E]wear
are [Am]nowhere [G]to
be [Am]seen.
[chorus]
Our [Am]Doctor loves
Hu-[G]manity; his [D]private
life is [E]quiet.
The [G]Shore Police ar-[D]rested
him for inciting whores to [E]riot.
We [Am]found him in the [D]city
jail, locked [G]on and beamed him [E]free
In- [Am]tact ex-[G]cept
for [F]hickeys [E]and
[Am]six kinds [G]of
V[Am]D.
Our [Am]Helmsman
loves ex-[G]otic plants; the [D]plants
all love him [E]too.
He [G]took some down on [D]leave
with him and we wondered what they'd [E]do,
'Til the [Am]planetary [D]governor
called and [G]swore upon his [E]life
That a [Am]gang of [G]plants
en-[F] twined his [E]house
and [Am]then se-[G]duced
his [Am]wife!
A [Am]gang of
pirates [G]landed, and no-[D]body
seemed to [E]care.
They [G]stamped into the [D]nearest
bar to announce that they were [E]there.
[Am]Half our crew was [D]busy
there, and in-[G]vited them to [E]play,
But the [Am]pirates [G]only
[F]looked at [E]us,
and [Am]turned and [G]ran
a-[Am]way.
Our [Am]crew is
Starfleet's [G]finest, and our [D]record
is our [E]pride.
And [G]when we play we [D]tend
to leave a trail a mile [E]wide.
We're [Am]sorry about the [D]wreckage
and the [G]riots and the [E]fuss;
At [Am]least we're [G]sure
that [F]planet [E]won't
be [Am]quick for-[G]getting
[Am]us!
And we're [C]
banned from Argo, every-[D]one.
[Am]Banned from [C]Argo,
just for [G]having a little [E]fun.
We [F]spent a jolly [C]shore
leave there for [G]just three days or [E]four,
But [Am]Argo [C]doesn't
[G]want us [Em]any-[Am]more.