Banned From Argo --- Leslie Fish ©1977
ttto: "Boston Burglar"
When [Am]we pulled
into [G]Argo Port in [D]need
The [G]crew set out investigating [D]every joint and [E]bar.
We [Am]had high expec-[D]tations of their [G]hospitali-[E]ty,
But [Am]found too [G]late it [F]wasn't [E]geared for [Am]spacers [G]such as [Am]we.
The [Am]Captain's tastes were [G]simple, but his [D]methods were com-[E]plex.
We [G]found him with five partners, each of a [D]different world and [E]sex.
The [Am]Shore Police were [D]on the way-we [G]had no second [E]chance.
We [Am]beamed him [G]up in the [F]nick of [E]time-and the [Am]remnants [G]of his [Am]pants.
would [G]yield to none at [D]putting
down the [E]brew;
He [G]out-drank seven space marines and a [D]demolition [E]crew.
The [Am]Navigator [D]didn't win, but he [G]out-drank almost [E]all,
And [Am]now they've [G]got a [F]shuttle [E]craft on the [Am]roof of [G]City [Am]Hall.
Our [Am]proper, cool
First [G]Officer was [D]drugged
with something [E]green,
And [G]hauled into an [D]alley, where he suffered things ob-[E]scene.
He [Am]sobered up in [D]sickbay and he's [G]none the worse for [E]wear,
Ex- [Am]cept he's [G]somehow [F]taught the [E]bridge com-[Am]puter [G]how to [Am]swear.
The [Am]Head Nurse
disap-[G]peared awhile in the [D]major
[G]Buying an odd green [D]potion "guaranteed to cause Pon-[E]Farr."
She [Am]came home with no [D]uniform and an [G]oddly cheerful [E]heart,
And a [Am]painful [G]way of [F]walking --- [E]with her [Am]feet a [G]yard a-[Am]part.
Our [Am]lady of Com-
a ship-wide [E]bet
By [G]getting into the [D]planet's main communications [E]net.
Now [Am]every time some-[D]one calls up on an [G]Argo tele-[E]screen,
The [Am]flesh is [G]there, but the [F]clothes they [E]wear are [Am]nowhere [G]to be [Am]seen.
Our [Am]Doctor loves
Hu-[G]manity; his [D]private
life is [E]quiet.
The [G]Shore Police ar-[D]rested him for inciting whores to [E]riot.
We [Am]found him in the [D]city jail, locked [G]on and beamed him [E]free
In- [Am]tact ex-[G]cept for [F]hickeys [E]and [Am]six kinds [G]of V[Am]D.
loves ex-[G]otic plants; the [D]plants
all love him [E]too.
He [G]took some down on [D]leave with him and we wondered what they'd [E]do,
'Til the [Am]planetary [D]governor called and [G]swore upon his [E]life
That a [Am]gang of [G]plants en-[F] twined his [E]house and [Am]then se-[G]duced his [Am]wife!
A [Am]gang of
pirates [G]landed, and no-[D]body
seemed to [E]care.
They [G]stamped into the [D]nearest bar to announce that they were [E]there.
[Am]Half our crew was [D]busy there, and in-[G]vited them to [E]play,
But the [Am]pirates [G]only [F]looked at [E]us, and [Am]turned and [G]ran a-[Am]way.
Our [Am]crew is
Starfleet's [G]finest, and our [D]record
is our [E]pride.
And [G]when we play we [D]tend to leave a trail a mile [E]wide.
We're [Am]sorry about the [D]wreckage and the [G]riots and the [E]fuss;
At [Am]least we're [G]sure that [F]planet [E]won't be [Am]quick for-[G]getting [Am]us!
And we're [C]
banned from Argo, every-[D]one.
[Am]Banned from [C]Argo, just for [G]having a little [E]fun.
We [F]spent a jolly [C]shore leave there for [G]just three days or [E]four,
But [Am]Argo [C]doesn't [G]want us [Em]any-[Am]more.
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